sometimes, it hits me
Sometimes, without warning, it just hits me, that a few months ago, I was worrying about the radiation treatments, or the chemo. I forget now, looking back, how bad it really was. Sometimes, for a second, I can remember the feeling of dread, every day for six weeks, going for the radiation, crying in the machine every time for a week or so.
Now I dread tests, the anesthesia machine check out next week, stuff like that. And it makes me feel very, very lucky to be here, doing this now, when last year, I felt so horrible, and so much fear, and wanted to be here with my friends. Well, my friends are now a year ahead of me, but they’re still there for me when I need them, to answer questions and show me the ropes.
It’s funny how it hits you like that, sometimes…from the side, walking down the hall, back from the bathroom, or the kitchen, —boom—and then you’re back in the hallway again, taking that step, walking back from the bathroom or kitchen. For a moment, I was in that hell that was last year, dreading, crying, fearful.
Nothing bothers me anymore.
I guess that’s called “perspective” (something we used to sing in architecture school….”per-SPEC-tiiiiive….” when we were rendering. It’s taken on a whole new meaning.)
