The universe is trying to make up for 43 crappy years
So, wow—my head is going in every direction this morning. And it’s not because I had trouble falling asleep and then the fire alarm went off in the dorm so I only managed to get in 3 hours. It’s more.
I reconnected with one of the most infuential people in my life the other night by phone—a very dear friend, John Fiddler, whom I met because he was my preceptor during nursing school, but about my age. He’s one of the most compassionate, best nurses I’ve ever met. He reminded me of my friend Jean, whom was influential in me always wanting to become a nurse. Many times after graduating, I implemented the little things John taught me, and I always sent a silent message of gratitude towards him into the universe for such wise teachings.
Coming back to New York, I’m pleased to say, that it’s friends, like John has become, that make the experience rich and friendly, rather than lonesome and miserable. He’s a Buddha.
Next, I don’t know what possessed me, but I chose to look up another influential person in my life, a professor I studied with in Florence Italy, an important and famous Italian architect whom is credited with starting a whole architecture movement or school of thought (imagine starting a school of thought…a style?) with whom I also managed to establish a friendship, but lost contact with over the years. Ah, the miracle of Facebook, and the internet!
Next, I found my Swiss cousin, Luca, with whom I was once so close, but whom I thought I’d never hear from again because I also lost contact with him through the years. Also on Facebook I think by now he must be a General in the Swiss army, because 13 years ago, he was a Captain, I think. Every time I’m in Switzerland, we manage to drink too much, laugh too much, swear too much, and in general have an awesome time together…we become somehow more sinister and devious together, he’s like the little brother I never had, a Swiss playboy, with many girls always around him and vying for his attention…it’s always sort of cool to be his cousin and be the one girl that gets his focus 100%.
But this morning, when the fire alarm went off in the dorms at 6:30 am, nary 3 scant hours from when I was able to put down my respiratory physiology book and shut the light off, I found myself outside, in a bleary-eyed daze.
Eileen, my program director and professor of one of my classes showed up for work (it’s the same building) and as we stood outside there, waiting to come back in she said, “Hey, Lis (XD can you stand it!? She actually called me “Lis!”) “Nice job on the pop quiz yesterday…you got all of the questions right!” and I instantly felt wide awake.
“you’re kidding?! because I thought I was going to bomb that, since I hadn’t reviewed anything from class, I was so busy with the assigned reading for the other two classes and this upcoming test…I thought for sure you were going to think I was a big dope!”
“well, you must have been paying attention in class, because there were SOME people who got only ONE right”
Wow…just wow…I told her “I hope I do as well on the tests that actually count toward my grade, Eileen…” She said “You will, you’ve got that passion inside, that drive…”
So, now at least she knows that much :)
What I didn’t want is to fall flat on my face and have them say that the year off I took hurt me and my chance at ever succeeding at this program. I didn’t want to tuck my tail, and return home with $60,000 dollars worth of student loan debt and no job with which to pay this money back. Oh yes, if I fail, I still have to pay back that money!
Maybe my luck has changed? Maybe the next 43 years are going to be good? They say fortune favors the brave, which is really just a way of saying, I think, that you make your own fortune; there’s no such thing as luck. I’m here to tell you that there must be. Traditionally, I’ve had it go the other way for me. If ever there was a person for whom the toast was going to end up sloppy-side-down, it’s me. But maybe this makes me try harder. I do read extra chapters that weren’t assigned, just because I think that it’s going to help me understand things better.
I owe it to my patients, afterall. Their lives are going to be in my hands soon.
In any case, on 3 hours sleep, I’m walking on clouds today—I’m heading to class in an hour (what was the point of going back to bed?) and then I’m meeting my friend Bill for lunch at the Shake Shack in the upper west side…(EDIT—oops, that’s NEXT week! this is how sleep-deprived I am!) and then it’s off to start the real grinding away at the study for this test on Monday.
Wish me luck!!! Or wish me stamina if you don’t believe in luck :)
fortune favors the brave, or the well-prepared for battle, I suppose.
