Happy
I tell you, you have to have a sense of humor to make it through life. If you haven’t got that, then you may as well check out, because nothing is going to go the way you either expect it to, or want it to. While I have my moments, I think I am mostly one of those people who looks for the silver lining.
My mom used to say “No hay mal, que por bien, no venga” which, loosly translated means “there’s no misfortune that doesn’t bring with it some fortune” (literally, it’s that there’s no ill that doesn’t come for some good reason.) I grew up hearing this—that everything that comes to you has elements of both good and bad in it, you may not see it immediately, but it’s there and the onus is on you to find it. As I grew into Buddhism, I saw this as things that come to me in order for me to learn some necessary lesson in life. Also, In Buddhism, we say “there is nothing bad, or good, but thinking that makes it so.” Our attachment to things and how we think of them as either good or bad—but I’m getting tangential, here ;)
So, what about shit like cancer? Where’s the silver lining there, you might ask? I’ve done some soul-searching in the last year or so, and here’s what I can muster:
I like to think I was a bad-ass BC (before cancer) but now, I know that there’s nothing that can stop me once I’ve made my mind up. Endurance, trials and tribulations? Puh-leez, I could write a book about that shit! My motto has always been “either I will find a way, or I will MAKE one!”
People wonder what Lance Armstrong was “on” in order to win the Tour so many times. I’ll tell you what he was on—life. What you go through only makes you stronger as far as your will is concerned…”this is nothing” you keep telling yourself, when the going gets tough, “remember last year?” It’s as if your efforts now are a celebration, a validation of being alive, and being thankful for not being where you were when you were at rock bottom.
It’s also taught me who my real friends are. And, it’s brought some new friends into my life, too. While it’s all fine and good to have close friends, it’s not until you have something really, really shitty to tell them, like “I have cancer” that you really can see into a person’s soul. More than a couple “good friends” basically showed me that they were all talk, and that their friendship was what is commonly known as “fair weather.” Fair enough. I think it’s a blessing to be rid of such people; because I would have been there for them. It’s good to know who you can count on in a pinch, you know?
This sounds harsh, or terrible, I know…but those of you that know me, REALLY know me, know that I say what I’m thinking—I don’t sugar coat things to make them less difficult to swallow. Life’s harsh, kids. Get used to it—the sooner the better. I’m not here, as they say, to pee on you and tell you it’s raining (as the saying goes!) I’m the one you come to when you want to hear an honest answer. If that makes me harsh, then so be it. I like to think I’m just being real. I only want real people around me, so I return the favor by being as honest as I can be.
The people whom ARE my friends know I’d do anything, anything in the world for them. Maybe since I have no family, I cherish my friends that much more.
I think I also should credit cancer (I won’t say “thank”) with keeping me honest with myself—from when it took my brother, a week after my 19th birthday, a month after his 30th, I understood that our time here is short, and unpredictable. Nothing you think is your right, your entitlement is REAL.
If you think you have years to settle shit, or get things done, you’re wrong—you may be gone next week. This puts things into perspective when it comes to things like arguing over bills, or picking up the dog-poop in the yard, or stupid, trivial and meaningless things. Imagine that every day when you say “so long” to your loved ones, you may never walk back in through those doors, and that’s the last thing you’re ever going to get to say.
You had better make it “I love you more than you know” or something like that, just in case…that other crap is just that…crap. Don’t ever leave angry, without speaking. Again, I think of the people that worked in the WTC on 9/11 and hope to whatever God there may be, that there were none of those types of squabbles that morning…I just can NOT imagine the pain of survivor guilt there. I can’t imagine someone saying “the last thing she said to me was ____ for leaving the toilet seat up/not doing the dishes/ etc.” Like I said, things that don’t really matter, in the grand scheme of things.
It’s taught me to laugh, every day—no matter what. I was already fairly easy to laugh, but now it’s without so much sarcasm and irony, I think. I start every day by laughing, whether I want to or not—usually when I look in the mirror at what my “whacky new hair” is doing. I always look like a mad wet hen, these days…my hair looks like there was a fire on my head, and my hair ran in every direction trying to get away. You can’t not laugh at that. I’m just happy to have hair at all, after last winter. Put me down as a “no, thank you” as far as being bald in the dead of winter.
So, as His Holiness, the Dalai Lama says “if you want to be happy, be happy!”
It sounds silly, but it’s true.
Be happy, people.
:)
