Did I dream I went home?
Here I am again—New York.
Today, I sat in class…Pharmacology of Anesthetics. I looked around, and recognized no-one. Everyone seemed to know each-other.
I feel like cancer has robbed me not only of one year, but of my chance to go to school with my friends—great people; brilliant, actually.
“You’ll make new friends” I keep hearing. And, I’m sure I will. But making friends has never been super easy for me.
I have a big mouth—I can’t keep it shut. If I’m thinking it, I’m saying it. This usually doesn’t lend itself to making friends. While it’s nice to be genuine, I think I come off as cynical, which, oddly, I’m not—I’m just putting it all out there, unedited. While some people can understand the humor and cynicism (very San Francisco, I guess) most people don’t “get” me.
So, today, about 4 different times, I wanted to cry. The last time was when they almost succeeded in taking away about $5,000 they had promised me, because I was full time, only they didn’t tell me that by coming here and doing the summer session it would shorten this semester’s schedule, so I’m considered half time, and therefore, inelligible for the Scholarships I would have normally received.
For a minute, I saw myself on a ledge, with several emergency personel trying to talk me down. Really? I survived cancer to come out here and be denied scholarship money, and then walk off a building? No…not really.
“God is listening to you” Said our financial aid guy after answering his phone, that rang after my second or third meeting with him, bouncing back and forth between his office and student affairs across the hall. “They’re going to make an exception and consider you full time status.”
If God were listening to me…ah well. Let me leave it at that.
I don’t want to seem so cynical.
(Anymore)
