January 2009
10 posts
Normal
What’s “normal?” Will I ever feel it again? I don’t really care much what the definition of normal is, I want MY old normal back. I want life to not feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to fall. I want to live and not feel like the moment I forget about Cancer, it will come back.
I told George last night that it feels as if once you get cancer, the rest of your...
heartbroken
My friend Charlie posted a picture of the three of them (would have been the four of us) that comprised the Columbia ETP Anesthesia students. They’re intermingled with other students, presumably RNs that came into the program for the masters (as opposed to we 4, who were chosen at the undergraduate level from around 500 applicants. Charlie, Shannon and La Crista are super smart, I feel like...
problem seeking
In architecture, when you get stuck, you return to a point when things were working and try to work forward again. If you keep getting stuck at a similar place, you have to stop and think that maybe you’ve defined your problem, or parameters, or needs, incorrectly. In other words, if you have trouble coming up with an answer, you’re asking the wrong question.
I stopped to wonder why...
Mull this over
I’m trying to wrap my mind around these numbers.
I just saw this on a random website (yourcancertoday.com which is not like an authority, but one of those “put it in plain English” type websites)
General Information
Estimated new cases and deaths from breast cancer in the United States in 2007:
New cases: 178,480 (female); 2,030 (male)
Deaths: 40,460 (female); 450 (male)
...
a 2 copay day
I had to pay double the price because I was seeing TWO doctors yesterday, though I only wanted to see the one.
I had a meeting with dip-shit, my oncologist, who was (no exaggeration) ONE hour late. Which is when my meeting with the breast reconstruction surgeon was.
Dip-shit asked how I was. “on a scale, somewhere between ‘I won the lottery’ and ‘I have cancer” I...
Reactions
My friends have freaked out. “QUITTING!?!” Not exactly. This stuff isn’t Kool-aid, it’s toxic. The Adriamycin causes cardiac muscle damage, you can only have a certain “lifetime dose.” I had SUCH a crappy time this last time out that I just can’t see doing it again.
Originally, the Oncologist (whomever SHE is, because I haven’t SEEN her at all...
I don't remember writing that last entry
Drugs are amazing.
I had my last infusion on Monday, I think. I had such a bad reaction to it that I’m considering making it my LAST infusion. The mere thought of the adriamycin in those big giant syringes, going into my veins…I’ve gagged six times just writing that. I think I’m through.
I wish I had had a decent oncologist, and NP, so that I could approach them with...
how do people survive this?
Yesterday was my third infusion, and it’s miserable. By the time I came home, I felt sick, none of the drugs seemed to do much. By evening, I was dry heaving and my nose was running (like when I’m ready to throw up) and I was trying my damndest not to. All night, I couldn’t drink much of anything and I’m supposed to keep really well hydrated in order to flush the...
ready, again, already
I was supposed to be getting 4 cycles of chemo, 21 days apart. I got the first cycle, and then went in for the second, but my white counts were low, so they delayed me for a week (28 days) then the third cycle came up, last Monday, and I went in to find out that DESPITE having those awful Neupogen shots, my ANC count was STILL too low (1.02) and there would have to be YET ANOTHER delay.
I think...
Thought I'd share some photos
I finally got my lazy butt around to connecting the camera to the laptop, and cropping the images down to a reasonable size, and uploading them to photobucket, so I’ll share them with you.
This is before I started chemotherapy (I still have some color to my skin, not the grey color I am now) and HEY…that’s my OLD HAIR! I thought I looked horrible and tired because I was...